What A Fail…
by Valerie J. Deady
I failed. I started something ambitious and I’m now struggling to follow through. I never follow through on anything. It’s all lip service. I am not good enough.
Familiar?
I know I’m not the only one who experiences this. We start something and for many reasons, we become overwhelmed and give up as a result because well, that’s what we do. There’s a little voice that echoes in the back of our mind telling us we always give up, we always fail, we never follow through on anything. We believe in this voice so much that we repeat the same patterns. Starting something, stalling, stopping, start something new and so, the cycle repeats. How do we break this cycle when we believe that failing is just who we are? Well, we need to look at failure differently. We need to separate it as a life experience rather than the shape of our life. Failure can be as simple as a roadblock, a point of redirection and invitation, to take a moment and realise, yes, there are things we may fail at but that doesn’t mean we are the failure itself.
Here are four ways to experience failure compassionately...
⦁ See it as a learning opportunity:
Failure can be as simple as a roadblock, a point of redirection and invitation, to take a moment and realise, yes, there are things we may fail at but that doesn’t mean we are the failure itself. Failure is simply telling you, “Well, that didn’t work out. Let’s approach things differently the next time.” Failure is an opportunity for growth rather than a final judgement to our capabilities.
⦁ Tap into your Self-Compassion:
One of the most important tools we all have but often forget how and when to use it, is self-compassion. Imagine a friend of yours spoke to you about a failure they experienced recently. Would you criticise them? Most likely not. So, try speaking to yourself in this way. Give yourself space to acknowledge your feelings of disappointment on the failed experience but learn to kindly speak yourself out of it. Know that this isn’t going to define you and there are better days ahead. This is just a roadblock. You always deserve kindness.
⦁ Redefine success:
We often look at success as an end goal and forget that true success is within the journey itself. Success includes effort, self-awareness, accountability, self-compassion, learning, persistence and failing. Success is picking ourselves up, wiping away our tears and saying, “Right, how can I do better?” Every seed planted for success, needs a little rain to grow.
⦁ Remember you’re human:
Everyone fails. It’s part of being human. Many successful people have experienced numerous failures before achieving their goals. Michael Jordan, one of the greatest basketball players of all time, was cut from his high school basketball team. Reflecting on this, he once said “I have missed over 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I have missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
By shifting our perspective, we can transform how we see ourselves and our setbacks. Understanding failure as an integral part of the journey rather than a dead end is important. Practicing self-compassion allows us to treat ourselves with the kindness we deserve, even when we stumble. Redefining success to include effort and learning helps us see progress in every step, not just the destination. Finally, remembering that failure is a universal human experience helps us feel less alone and more connected. By adopting these approaches, we can break the cycle of self-doubt and embrace a more compassionate, resilient outlook on failure using it as a stepping stone to success.
About Valerie
Valerie J. Deady has been a mental health and well-being blogger for over three years, advocating for self-compassion, curiosity, and self-love. Her blogs aim to normalize mental health awareness online. Beyond her blogs, Valerie is actively fostering a supportive community for those facing mental health challenges, destigmatizing mental health and offering solidarity, within her community in Clonakilty, West Cork. Outside of her writing, she pursues studies in Psychotherapy, works with children at Sherpa Kids and continues to experience and explore life with pockets full of self-love.